So, I have one more paper to do before finals are over and a huge case of
senioritis writers block, so I decided why not inform all my cyber-friends of the newest developments in Zombie preparedness studies. I figured this will be especially important information as the rapture is only 3 days away (save the date!), and the threat of zombie apocalypse is becoming more and more real:
1.)The CDC has finally acknowledged the growing zombie threat, and is outlining its containment strategies appropriately. I’m serious. The U.S. GOVERNMENT’S CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL.
2.) Dame Judy Dench and Sir Ian Mckellan have also become spokespeople for the undead-defense cause: They are to star in a period zombie film, The Curse of the Buxom Strumpet, an extended version of the short film E’gad, Zombies! Also joining the celebrity defense league is Hugh Laury, aka House. Please read up on the founder of the celeb-zombie defense league: Night of the Living Dead’s Duane Jones (proof that in some horror movies being black doesn’t mean you die first).
3.) The Undead stoop to new lows: They have corrupted our youth into their ranks! Beware of deceptively adorable zombie children. They are not lonely, they do not want friends, they want to eat your brains. Remember this.
4.) To protect your children from corruption, make sure they read this updated version of Pat the Bunny. Or, if you are feeling particularly proactive/sadistic, run a zombie defense drill. But beware: not only may you scar your kids for life, but you may scar yourselves as well (my cousin Soloman would have totally done this to little me, btw).