A noiseless patient spider, I mark'd where on a little promontory it stood isolated, Mark'd how to explore the vacant vast surrounding, It launch'd forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself, Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them. And you O my soul where you stand, Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space, Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them, Till the bridge you will need be form'd, till the ductile anchor hold, Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul. -A Noisless Patient Spider; Walt Whitman
My weekend was not good.
I spent much of it either crying or trying to distract myself from crying, or asleep. This is not how a weekend should go, and updates like these aren’t the type I want to talk to my friends about, cyber-or-otherwise. But it must be done.
Today is National Day Without Stigma- a chance to increase awareness and lessen the stigma about mental illness. I have lived with mental illness since puberty, and know how damaging it can be to hold things in. I was, and am afraid to allow myself to feel afraid, vulnerable, needy, and sad. I am terrified of telling others if my day goes anything but “fine.” I am scared people will not like what they see when I reach out to them, and that they will turn away. But I must reach out to people, and so must we all. Keep trying till the gossamer thread catches, and we find someone to connect to. It surprises me every day how easily people here are willing to connect with me, how they won’t turn away when I reach out.
So I, in turn, reach out to you. Gentle cyberfriends, how are you feeling today? How was your weekend? Is there anything you’d like to ask or say?
I hope you all have a great day, but if you don’t- tell me about it anyway. I don’t mind one bit.